Have you ever felt as if your life depends on a smile or on a cute word? Have you ever felt depressed because someone didn’t wave at you? Have you ever felt the happiest person in the whole world because of a hug? Well that’s what happens when you’re 10000000000000 miles from your native country, alone , speaking a language that is all but yours. That’s how you feel, just lost, all you do seems a parentheses, a dream , something unreal. You’re scared about what people say, you try to be nice even if the only thing you’d do is to break the world, you try to be happy even if all you want is lying in a hole. All you do and all you think is related to other people, your feelings change every five seconds without a real reason. It’s quite stressful . You will or you won’t find real and close friends, all I can say is that people, even if really kind, for the most part are fake, before trusting someone you really need to make sure about what kind of person you’re dealing with. My weak point has always been the fear of losing someone forever, the fear of not seeing someone again . Well, maybe I should have thought about it before coming here because now I’ve just figured out that it’s going to be so hard , just the thought of leaving all those American friends drives me crazy. I had never thought about it before, I’ve realized it just because a really important person for me is going to move to another town, I’ll probably still see him but it’s not going to be the same. This thing is just paralyzing me, I don’t even know what to say or do. That’s what makes me think it will be hard, I will leave hundreds new friends forever, will I see them again? I probably will but my life is back to Italy, this is just a vacation from my real life, I shouldn’t give importance to people, I should just be superficial. Few days ago I was looking at some pictures I took in Florence when I met my host family and I started to cry, I don’t want to go back , I don’t want this to be just a dream or a far and unreal memory. And what makes me even sadder is that there’s no solution to this problem. I remember I wrote before : it’s easier than I thought ..hmm I guess I’ve changed my mind. Now I don’t know why but I’m depressed and I don’t see anything positive in being here. But I don’t want to leave in any case. Two weeks later. I’m wonderful I’m enjoying my time, I had a fabulous week end and I’m ready for more. I’m rather scared though because I’ll be the only one of my friends to be here but I can make it! I’ve written this on purpose to show you how feelings change fast, it’s so weird but.. I don’t like lies. I like this new world! I’ll rock this world, I’ll live my experience as best as I can!.
Flavia Ventura (4B)